
I don’t think I’ve changed much since 1985 when a seminary professor challenged us with this question. The class was titled “Youth Ministry” and Dr. Steve Case described how for many teenagers, life is riding a sinking canoe in the middle of a swift river. Adults can stand on the bank, throw a rope, run for help, or watch.
“Where are you standing?” he asked us.
“I’m in the canoe,” I said. (It was more of a seminar than a lecture.)
“You’re in the canoe!” Steve looked at me, his eyebrows arched in incredulity at my arrogance.
“I didn’t say I had a paddle!”
One year from the October 7th massacre of Isreali civilians, with no end in sight to the revenge massacre of Palestinians and, now, Lebanese civilians, I feel helpless. I have been a faithful witness this year. I have read articles that minutely described the violence perpetrated on Jewish bodies. I have read personal accounts of the suffering of Palestinian families. I have been shocked at the brutality of a Hamas youth shooting an infant at point blank; I have been shocked at the brutality of IDF soldiers shooting three unarmed Isreali hostages, stripped to the waist, and waving a white tee-shirt in hope of rescue from their Hamas kidnappers. I am outraged at atrocities enacted by Israeli state-sponsored terrorists upon Palestinians in the West Bank, while the rest of the world is distracted by Israel’s carpet bombing of Gaza. And, all while I am outraged at the Israeli military actions, I am very aware that there are twenty-five military communications Israeli women who were kidnapped from their bedrooms in the early morning of October 7. If any of them are still alive, they are suffering on-going brutalizing torture as I write this.
There’s a phrase that has been quoted a lot this year: “Silence in the face of injustice is complicity with the oppressor.” This was written by the late Ginetta Sagan, an anti-Fascist partisan who put her life on the line in Mussolini’s Italy. Sagan survived the rape and torture of the infamous Black Brigade and went on to become a leader in Amnesty International.
I have been silent this year, and last month. It has taken me a month to post this essay, in fact.
A few years after that Seminary class I was teaching world history in a small school in Yorkton, Saskatchewan. In the 1980’s textbook I was using, the Holocaust was covered in a sidebar on World War II. It was almost an afterthought: “Oh, and by the way, six million Jews were murdered.” Throughout my teaching, I attempted to redress that silence. Over time the textbooks expanded and my resources grew, until, in my last job (twenty-four years ago) I was able to take advantage of the local Holocaust Memorial Speakers’ Bureau, and invited a survivor to speak to the school.
I’m afraid I don’t remember her name, but she was wonderful. Strong in a scary old-woman way, she was tenacious and sinewy. After introducing her, I sat in the front row. But I was mortally offended to see one of my students falling asleep. I leaned across the aisle and poked him awake. Afterwards our speaker said to me, “Let the children sleep. My story is a hard story. The Nazi’s wouldn’t let me sleep. So, I always say, ‘Let the children sleep.’ I am going home now and I will sleep. This is how I do.” I was ashamed to have tried to control my student, to have acted like a fascist in my zeal to force him to emphasize. That same day the boy told me, “I wasn’t sleeping Miss, it was so hard, I had my eyes closed, but I heard everything she said.”
His silence was not complicity, it was empathy.
But empathy is not action. Especially if empathy leads me to lash out like a traumatized child, controlled by her amygdala, unable to reason or be reasoned with, impotent with rage.
I was fourteen when Saigon fell. At the time I thought that all adults who did not wholeheartedly support the Vietnam Peace Movement were right-wing totalitarians. But, this summer, when I saw a woman, anonymous in a black burka, wearing a PLO scarf and yelling slogans in a bull horn, lead a parade down Water Street, I thought: Oh, so this is how those adults felt.
Thoughtful adults, who paid attention to the purges of Stalin in Russia and Mao Zedong in China, expected a brutal bloodbath in Vietnam. What was the humane thing to do? Worst atrocities happened in neighboring Kampuchea under the Khmer Rouge. But, coming immediately after the American evacuation of Saigon, the brutal state-sponsored murder of 2 million Cambodians continued for four years without any outside intervention. When I lived in Thailand in 1980, I was told that the Cambodians were so brutalized by the Khmer Rouge that they welcomed the Viet Cong with open arms.
Survivors of the Cambodian genocide said that it was the child soldiers that they feared the most. The children with “dead eyes” had absolutely no compassion or empathy. They did not respond to reasoning or pleading. They killed without a conscience.
Child soldiers will be the product of the bombs on Gaza. They are the teenagers who celebrated shooting children, women, and unarmed men on October 7.
I am rewriting this essay on November 11, Remembrance Day, when the Metrobuses in St. John’s have the words “Lest We Forget” displayed in lights.
Where am I standing on Israel’s war against its own citizens in Gaza and the state-sponsored terrorism in the Palestinian West Bank? Where do I stand on the violence of Hamas against Israeli citizens? I support an arms embargo, and I believe that Israel should have a free and democratic election. But these are my opinions, I have no more power in Israel than I had in the recent U.S. election. I can make posts on my social media, I can send what little money I have to Doctors Without Borders, but I’m not saving any children.
So, I stand on the river bank. I watch. I do not look away. I will not forget.
But it feels like complicity.
(This is not the essay I was planning on writing. For a better, more analytical article about art around October 7, I recommend Naomi Klein’s essay in the October 5, 2024 edition of The Guardian. Provocatively titled “How Israel has made trauma a weapon of war” Klein asks her readers “What is the line between commemorating trauma and cynically exploiting it?” It’s a great question. One that concerns an artist like me, who is currently working on a graphic long-form non-fiction about the torpedoing of a Newfoundland ferry on October 14, 1942. Maybe I’ll write about that in my next blog post.)






